The last LAST chance

So here I am, back from a week with the family, almost 2 weeks since I last blog. I turned 31, feel older and wiser (hahaha). I feel refreshed.

Why? Well mainly because I decided. I did allot of meditating while I was in the Lowveldt and prayed about my situation allot. I payed close attention to what people around me was saying and then I wrote down what I could change, what I couldn't, how to change what I could and started considering accepting the rest.

So I came up with the following regarding my marriage. I cannot change my husband. I cannot force him to stop drinking or feel as strongly about sobriety as me. (actually known this one for a while, just haven't exactly accepted it)
I am not perfect. I am in no position to judge. I hold the ability to change my attitude towards my husband. I am not obliged to allow him to keep disappointing me should he stick to his old ways. I do not have to remain a victim of my marriage.

So upon returning home I gave my husband 3 choices:
1. Long term marriage counselling (which I really am not looking forward to - but I am praying really hard that God will help me give 110%)
2. Short term separation (minimum 6 months to each sort ourselves out and redefine our marriage boundaries)
3. Well. divorce of course - what else is there?

I've really though about the subject of a happy marriage allot (over-thinked I think) and I have come to a couple of conclusions about mine. Firstly, I am very stubborn and unforgiving when it comes to my husband. I don't easily admit when I am wrong. This really has not changed, but I can change it.
I like playing the martyr. I'm not going to any more. I need to take responsibility for my own actions and stop reacting to my husband. I don't have to be a victim.

My husband also opted for counceling - so here goes. Perhaps this time will actually be different. At least I am still sober. That helps.