When God Speaks

So here is what happened yesterday...

I had decided that I had now given up on my situation. On me ever staying sober, my marriage ever working out. I had given up on God and stopped believing in His willingness and ability to change my situation.

Then the answer came. In the form of a friend from Al-Anon (yes, I have to go there as well having been surrounded by drunks my whole life). She advised I stick to my priorities in the correct order:

1. My own sobriety
2. My daughter
2. and only then my marriage

and keep praying to my Higher Power, listen and do what I am told.

On getting home I read from my Daily reflections (AA) and Hope for Today (Al-Anon ) and forgive me for reproducing or publishing AA literature, but I have to post these today.

Hope for Today 13 April

Before I came to Al-Anon , my attitudes were based of fear. I cast all my doubts and feelings of unworthiness onto other people. I set myself up as a victim. I always acted upon my anxiety, form of blaming, running, freezing. When I blamed others, I didn't have to feel my deep sense of shame. I ran because facing my fear and hurt seemed too difficult. I froze because frozen hearts cannot feel pain.
Al-Anon has given me a fresh way to view my life. I no longer choose to be a victim. Now I choose to take responsibility for my actions. I choose how I act, how I think, and how I feel about any situation that arises. I can choose fear, or I can choose love. Fear keeps me shut off and unhealed. Love opens me up and heals me. Today I choose love.
Choosing love means I stay away from physically, emotionally, or spiritually unhealthy situations. I no longer accept unacceptable behaviour. I love myself and care about myself enough to walk away from hurtful people and relationships. I look at my part in situations, own my mistakes, and change my behaviour. Choosing love means I accept and embrace my humanity and that of others. Then, with my Higher Power's help, I can see defects and weaknesses with compassion, which brings me release, joy and serenity.

Daily Reflections 13 April
The false comfort of self-pity

Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of it's inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. (As Bill sees it, p.23)

The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an even bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.

Wow, turns out it had nothing to do with God's willingness or ability. Well I never...

Have a blessed sober day.