As honesty stands...

I came across a blog of an alcoholics wife while trying to figure out exactly how I currently feel about my husband. He is sober and everything I have been praying for has finally happened. Yet, I find it hard to believe, mostly because I am still very angry.

This lady describes "WHY?" perfectly. "tiredwife" - I get you. Hope ya don't mind the quote:

I already hit publish, but you know what? I’m not done. I promised honesty, so lets go all the way. I hate him as much as I love him. I hate him for being weak. I hate him for putting me and our children through this. I hate him when he’s drunk and I hate him for the uncertainty. I hate him for getting my hopes up and then dashing them to the ground. I hate that I brag about him not drinking and that I’m proud of him and then he makes an ass out of himself. I hate him for ruining holidays and special days with his drinking. I hate him (and myself) for being so fixated on it that I allow it to over run all of my waking thoughts. I hate him for ruining the person I once was, before I got involved with an alcoholic. I was full of hope. I laughed, I was carefree. I didn’t have to worry about my home burning down because of a forgotten cigarette. I didn’t have to worry about how my kids are going to grow up. I didn’t have to tip toe around until I ascertained what mood someone was in. I was happy damn it. I was a 16 year old girl who got in over her head. 11 years later I am a bitter, pissed off 27 year old who is still in over her head. I’ve had to deal with suicide attempts. I’ve sat up all night listening to him breathe because I’m scared he’s poisoned himself with alcohol. I’ve poured out bottles, cried, cursed and turned into a harpy. I’ve watched him embarrass himself in front of friends and family. I’ve made excuses and cleaned up messes. I’ve ignored the issues, addressed the issues, delivered ultimatums and bared my heart. And he still drinks. And I hate him for it.

Now imagined dealing with ALL of that AND staying sober yourself...?