A promise of rain

The weather is miserable today. Cold, cloudy with thunder that keeps reminding you it might rain today. No rain yet.
My daughter has become unmanageable. She has shut herself off emotionally, refuses to eat and everything gets challenged and mostly ends in temper tantrums and resentments directed at me. Her father doesn't think his drinking has anything to do with it.
I tried to remember why I wanted to stop drinking. I felt terrible every day, physically and emotionally. I felt guilty about everything. My life was dull, unemotional, I had no control over my child, my work or my household. I did not want control anymore. I lost my fighting spirit and my vision. I wanted to die. On some levels I did die. I struggled for three years. Three very long years to stay sober. I finally made it to 70 days, then relapsed, then 90 days and relapsed and now, here I am at 20 weeks, still sober wondering what changed. I changed. Alcohol does not offer an escape anymore. It does not seem inviting, relaxing or fun to drink anymore. I am still too scared to think about tomorrow, but I am sober every day. Sober, not just NOT-DRINKING. That is what changed.
My husband will be leaving at the end of the month. Still 15 more "one-day-at-a-time"s away. It's better for everyone. His journey has become destructive, disruptive, mind-numbing, spirit-crushing and I refuse to remain involved. I am sure that once he is gone, and the clouds clear, I will have an emotion on this subject.
For now I have to accept that the clouds that have loomed may have had promise of rain, but it won't rain. Not today anyway.