Hopeless Romantic

On the first year anniversary of my divorce I am contemplating the way forward for me - relationship wise. I cannot help to wonder why the notion of meeting your soul mate has become such a ridiculed idea. I am a hopeless romantic. As a female engineer I am well aware of how to steel myself before stepping into a mans world every morning. There is no room for emotions, romance and care in my work day. I have to be every bit as brazen and thick skinned as the men I deal with everyday.

But this does not change my wiring. I am a woman. We are emotional beings. Caring is primal. And no matter your academic intelligence or environment of employ, or how well you have adapted to survive in it or with how much practiced precision you leave your day at the front door to transform into mom - this fact does not change -we woman care.

Is it so abominable to think that I just want to be loved and cared for when I am home in my safe environment? Is a Prince Charming really so far fetched? Why is it considered weak to want to be cherished? To see someone light up when you enter a room - every day!? To want to take that affection and guard it with all your heart because as you receive you cannot do anything but give.
A relationship in which one blissful moment can be motivation enough to stick it out in a hundred darker moments.

I don't want the Jones's life with the house, car and tree, the barking dog and the 2.5 children. I don't need a shiny ring on my finger or pictures of an expensive costume party doubling a s wedding on my walls. I just want someone to connect with on a deep and lasting level. I just want a genuine person not distracted by the bling and empty lure of modern day life. An old soul who still values good art and literature to the point of wanting to discuss it and relate to it or at least smile while I do. Someone who knows that what matters is not what we acquire or collect in the physical and material world - but the pictures in our memories shared with a likeminded soul. To whom home really is where the heart is and comfort is found in each others arms. Someone who will look at the package ME and love every bit of it unconditionally.

Have we all become so shallow and desolate that we cannot recognize true honest love when it hits us between the eyes? Has the word 'love' become so barren that it is incapable of stirring the heart to hope? I cannot, more so will not, accept this as my truth.
For a fleeting moment in my universe the notion of going through the painful process of elimination of non-soul mates look too daunting to dare, but I cannot live in fear. I will not stop believing that for every kettle there's a lid and a life worth brewing. I won't settle for less than life.

I want to feel and in all that is forever I cannot be the only one who believes in a message in a bottle and a star crossed destiny.

"When you find someone who can make you Laugh. Smile. Grow. Lust. Want. Crave. Feel. Make you Mad but Happy. Keep that. That's Euphoria."


  • Koos | March 27, 2015 at 7:50 AM

    Nothing wrong about being yourself...

  • Koos | March 31, 2015 at 3:50 AM

    Hello Sannie

    Reading and enjoying your latest post reminded me of Rudyard Kipling's IF...the first four lines of the second stanza..

    "If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
    If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;"

    However it does not forbid us to dream about what we long for.

    I have no doubt that your dreams will come true.


  • Bren Murphy | June 1, 2015 at 12:46 AM

    HI Sober Sannie,
    I couldn't find an email to contact you, so I am posting it here - sorry...
    I really like your blog and your writing style and I thought I should reach out to contact you.

    Hi My name is Bren Murphy and I'm writing my first book about being an alcoholic. The book is a self help guide combined with my own 'quitting alcohol' experiences for people who have reached the crossroads with their drinking.

    Last 100 Days Alcoholic offers a way out of drinking through personal growth and self development strategies - you can read my blog here


    I'd love to send you a copy of a chapter so you could do a review and perhaps offer some constructive criticism.

    I'm new to all this so I expect you may have some valuable insights into what I am missing or suggestions for improvement.

    If you'd like to read more you can visit my website at http://www.brenmurphy.net

    It would be great to hear back from you if you could just reply to this email. Anything is better than nothing - and I appreciate you have other priorities in your busy life. Thanks for your time and look forward to hearing from you.

    Bren Murphy