My blog is about me. What I am going through and the obstacles I face. How I perceive things and deal with my issues. It's COMPLETELY one sided and non-malicious. It's just a vent. Unfortunately my husband is one of my obstacles - that is not his fault. That is for me to overcome. So whether he is a raving drunk or has the occasional beer to me it's all the same. Someone drinking in front of me, does not help me. I am not strong enough to deal with that. But I emphasize - that is not my husbands fault.
I know my husband is a good person. I know he does not always understand me. But I know that he has a very good heart and soft nature. I was reminded of that again today while discussing a problem at my daughters school with her teacher and realising that what's bugging her is a friend that won't play with her anymore. And it hurts and she doesn't know how to deal with that empty feeling, how to fill the space the friend left. I remember how she cried for her friend when the teacher punished him. And I said: she's like her father in that way. So I know, I am not soft natured, I am a fighter, a battle freak and a drama queen by nature. My main virtue is not that I care too much for humanity. I care, but not too much.
So please, dear husband, accept my public apology for making you sound like a drunken villain. You are kind, patient and tolerant. May you now acquire consideration for what my struggle is.
I will refrain from writing about my husband in future posts. Just out of common decency.
Like Koos always says - If you cannot help, don't hurt.
P.S. Got this mail from Koos in response, thank you - you are worth it. SS
Hello Sannie
Ai dis al Dinsdag en hier gaan ons...het jou twee afgelope blogs geniet en ook respekteer by die lees van die laaste byvoegsel. Ek noem dit 'n byvoegsel vir gebrek aan 'n beter woord. Kon dit ook 'n aanhangsel noem. Ek haal my hoed vir jou af dat jy bereid is om 'openbaar' te gaan met die saak, hoe anders as jy jou man wil verseker van die erns van jou nugter pad wat jy besig is om oop te kap in die oerwoud oppad na die oop strande, blou see en koel bries wat joune word.
Die pad is nie altyd 'smooth' nie...maar so was die pad wat jy(julle) geloop het om te kom waar jy nou is ook nie 'smooth' nie. Dit verg baie beplanning en inspanning om as Alkie bekend te staan...die ledegelde is van die duurste ter wereld, glo my. Ek het betaal.
Dit maak ons nie minder of meer kwesbaar tot die lewe en omstandighede nie...die lewe gaan aan. Sekere dinge en mense gaan nie verander nie, ons kan ook met die beste wil en bedoelinge ter wereld poog om dit te doen, dit help nie...aanvaar Sannie, aanvaar, jy het verander en sal nooit weer dieselfde kan voel, optree of reageer soos in die verlede nie. Dit is genoeg om enige mens bang te maak (dit maak my nog steeds ) maar dis 'n gesonde bang...daai bang weerhou my van weer drink en terug te gaan na die dae en emosies wat ek nooit ooit weer wil beleef of herleef nie....nooit, nooit, nooit as ek dit kan verhoed nie...dis nie op my agenda nie!!
Ek het gisteraand se vergadering gemis, werk omstandighede, vanaand weer tot laat in Benoni...ek moenie vergaderings mis nie...I need AA...I am worth it !!
Sterkte vir jou...GELUK MET DIE 100...your worth it !!!
Koos
PS - Jou dogtertjie se ontferming op haar ouderdom van haar medereisiger in die lewe stem my tot selfondersoek op 56 jarige ouderdom, ontferm ek my nog??
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