Input = Output

In my job this is a very fundamental little fact. You get out, what you put in. I have walked a long road over the last 3 years accepting that God is changing me. I had to lay down a lot of things and characteristic I thought defined me. I had to sift through the preconceived notions my mother had programmed me and the buried resentments towards people such as my father. I had to learn how to organize my thoughts and as a result my life. I had to stay sober, aware, calm and at the same time compassionate. I forgave more times then I care to remember. I believed when everything seemed hopeless. I trusted when there was nothing to trust in except my faith that God can do anything.

I learned to stop relying on what I can do and let God handle everything. Even silly things like getting everything done in a day that seemed too short. God taught me to prioritise, plan and organise in a selfless way.

I know I am differnet. I know I still allow the old ways to nudge it's way to the front with a purple paintbrush when I am going for red. But the hard part is over. Being honest with yourself. Fixing you and letting others be.

So painting my life red has become easier. The old ways win less and less battles everyday. My output is starting to resemble my input and it makes me happy. I really wished that this knowledge could be explained, could be carried over as a pill or and instruction manual. But Gods way is not our way and God's time is not our time. So when we least expect it, the unexpected happens, if we are only willing let God do what He does best. The road ahead looks diffent for us all and the solution for each person is diffent. I have found what I need to put in.