Today I feel a little bit of resentment. I am lonely and my sponsor is unavailable. I really need to talk or cry or read something that helps. I've been scanning through some blogs, which really are great, but nothing speaks to me. I feel too young, inexperienced or naive to even begin to contemplate what all the 40 something sober bloggers are talking about.
I don't know what to do to differently so I can feel better.
I don't want to keep trying to feel better.
I'm tired and I'm lonely. So lonely it is a physical ache in every bone in my body. My insides feel like there's a soft "help" floating around in empty nothingness, echoing.
And today was supposed to be better. This week was supposed to be fun, but I don't feel anything. I'm beginning to think I'm incapable of feeling anything and that I should just stop trying. That I should get used to having the emotional capacity of a zombie. The only emotion remotely stirring any change in my bloodrate is pure Anger. This happens often, followed by shame, regret, frustration, hate and an intense desire to give up.
I should have chosen differently.
Koos | March 28, 2011 at 11:33 PM
Hi Sanna
Without knowing it YOU are sponsoring yourself...no drunk could have expressed her/himself in this emotional words...emotions and the inner spirit are as far as I am concerned one and the same!
If you question your feelings you are seeking - and only by seeking answers from yourself you get answers to your difficulties and your SPIRIT will be lifted to where it belongs...above the small daily material things. Way way higher than you can imagine. There where it equals YOUR worth!!