Day 44 - A repost and some perspective

Acceptance is when a person agrees to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.



It's strange how once things start looking up for a recovering addict, we start gravitating towards obsessing over something else. Well, at least I do.


The more my life changes and the more comfortable being sober feels, the more I obsess about the what ifs of the future. I am really scared that I won't make the next 60 odd years of my life sober. What will happen if I don't? What can I put in place to prevent myself from relapsing?


And then I realise that I have to accept that I have little or no control over anything except not taking the first drink - today. I have to trust God to keep me sober. So today I have decided that I will agree to experience sobriety, one day at a time as it may be. I am going to allow myself to heal and grow.


It's been 44 days.

What you read above is what I posted on 22 June 2010. God, what a difference some time and experience makes. Today happens to be 44 days. I woke up this morning and wondered what I felt like on 44 days the previous time. I read it and I feel sad for the immature scared person I was little less than a year ago. I am not afraid anymore. And God knows life forces you to grow up. I am not intimidated by the possibility of drinking again - I am free. I am blessed and I am on my way to being the person I was not only meant to be, but the person I want to be. And that makes all the diffenrence. Doing something because you know maybe it's the right thing or doing it to manipulate someone else into doing something or doing something for what ever reason other than for yourself - is a giant waste of time. I crave my sover life and the peace that comes with it. In the middle of every storm I now quietly look on as perspective and my Higher power calms the waves. What a glorius feeling to finally make up your mind. What peace awaits in deciding!

Today I am thankful for this blog I started because it allows me to revisit the past exactly as I experienced it, to teach me, assure me and to remind me - it does get better. And isn't that all we are really trying to do? We know we will never be perfect, but when we know we are moving forward and getting better at it, we can rest assured - it's worth it.

It has not been only 44 days - it's been 44 opportunities, 44 blessings, 44 rebirths and 44 thank you's since my last drink.