My sponsor emailed me a wonderful piece about continuing to change. It really hit a nerve. When you reach a place you have been struggling for years to get to, it is human nature to want to say - I've made it, change done. But there is always room for improvement. After the ordeal with my husband and setting myself free of responsibility for him I have had allot of time for introspection. I was procrastinating (stuck) in my own life. I had stopped climbing my mountain to keep him from falling down his. I resigned from my current job and I am starting at a smaller company 4km from home in September. My confidence has risen and I am excited. But I have noticed lately that guilt has been hampering me again. Guilt over not spending enough time with my husband, not being intimate enough, not doing this, doing too much of that etc. And its amazing how fast you lose focus and I got depressed. I have been struggling to get out of my hole for 2 weeks now.
My feud with my sister, or well, her feud with me, shook me back to life. I am so tired of that kind of behavior having had to deal with it for 10 years. I am not jumping off that ledge again. And here is where Koos's mail made the biggest impact: There is a board on Everest with the words "He died while he was climbing". I will keep climbing this emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical mountain, I will make progress...or die trying.
Koos | July 13, 2011 at 6:18 AM
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams,
before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.