Hopeless

It's Friday. I should be excited, but really - I'm not. I received an email from my attorney (not the divorce one) regarding a matter about a woman screwing me out of R150 000 three years ago. There is still no progress on the matter even though it has already cost me another R30 000. When is this going to stop? I really need to close the chapter. I know if I stop now all the money I've already paid will be lost, but sometimes we need to know when to cut our losses. It really feels like I have reached that stage.
My emotions are going crazy. Half the time I function like a robot, barely getting through yet another physically and emotionally painful day. The other half I cry. In between there are bouts of excitement for what the future holds, then the fear and the anger and lastly...the hopelessness.
I received another email from an online support group on divorce that encouraged me to "Embrace my Singleness". It's hard. I know that my marriage is over. I know I have to get divorced - not just for me, but also for my husband. He needs to deal with the full consequence of what he had done. I need to be free and learn to live again. But it's really hard staying in the moment, when every cell in your body just needs for it to be over.
I've been struggling with my own sobriety as well. I suppose it's the desperate drive for pain relief that gets me down. Some days I will do anything to not have to feel the day. I consider drinking, and then I consider that drinking is what got me here to begin with. I'm also lonely - something that really scares me. I've always loved my own company, but lately I'm so uncomfortable with myself. It’s a bad feeling.
Anyway, I don't really have a choice. I have to keep moving forward, but today it will be one minute at a time.
"For some people things don't work out as they might have hoped. Hope is a strange thing. A currency for people who know they are losing. The more familiar you are with hope, the less beautiful it becomes." - Frankie, 16 Years of Alcohol.