It hurts

I told my husband on Monday about the divorce. He had a rather unexpected reaction. He was fine with it. He said he had been expecting it and did not want to cause me any more pain. That he will try to work with me to sort it out as soon as possible. It was a relief, but also very sad that it had come to this. It is now final. Almost over.
So with my foot situation and the immobility that comes with it, I have had a lot of couch time. Crying, pleading, reasoning, thanking and other irrational outbursts towards God and myself. It felt good to finally come to a standstill (forcibly) and start dealing with what's happening. I need to start planning my 'perfect' future. Decide where I want things to go and then start working towards it. I need vision.
Sitting in my silent house I can hear God's voice for the first time in months. My head is quieting down. What's left of my ego, backing off. I cannot describe my feelings, it just hurts mostly. I feel hopeful though. It cannot last forever.
My daughter phoned last night. She's having so much fun on holiday with grandpa and grandma. I'm glad. I just want her to enjoy her childhood. Be happy and carefree before the world chews you up and spits you out. What I wouldn't trade for one day as a 4 year old...bliss. I miss my mother.

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”
Unknown