Nightmares

I had a very weird dream last night. I dreamt I was a visitor in my own home. I was serving all the people coming in and out of the house. I could feel that some important occasion was coming, that's what everyone was there for, and I realised the occasion was my STBX husband being discharged from rehab.
My father-in-law was organising everything. Fretting about nonsense in his hyper guilty way. He was fertilizing all the weeds in the garden and trying to make them look like they belonged by covering the ground around them with sand from my daughter's sand pit. I tried to explain to him that they where weeds, but he couldn't hear me, even when I started screaming. He wanted to barbecue a fish and I took it from him, to start preparing it, because they where drinking and I was hungry and knew they would not get around to cooking the food. He came into the kitchen and kept telling me what to do. I was furious and yelled "I know how to prepare a fish". (But really I don't). So I screwed it up badly and the fish ended up in a heap of tinfoil soaking in the washbasin.
A very dear friend of ours was there, I was so happy and relieved to see him. Believing he would understand my frustration. When I walked up to him, he was standing with the AA Big Book in his hand, rolling his eyes and saying: " Thank God I don't know any of these stupid people!" and he chucked the book onto the table, looking me up and down in disgust and walking away. I felt so frustrated and betrayed!
Throughout the dream I felt like no one understood, everyone was so angry at me. I didn't want to make them understand, I wanted them to leave. I wanted my father-in-law to stop acting like he owned my house and stop making changes and oredering everyone around.

I woke up feeling sad this morning. Wondering what the real nightmare is. I am taking my daughter for playtherapy just to make sure I'm not missing something with her. She's doing okay, but it's obvious that there has to be some things she can't deal with and I want to help her and be there for her through all of this. Make sure she knows she can count on me.

I got myself som sleeping pills. I need to start somewhere and a healthy sleeping pattern is a good place I quess. Small steps, one day at a time. Curing the insanity, calling a weed a weed and doing some serious weeding.

It finally rained. Everything looked a little cleaner and brighter today. Thank you God for second chances and waking up from nightmares.