GAP!

I am having a GAP day.

Let me start with last week. On Monday evening I was informed my STBX was served with the divorce papers. Should be a relief right? And Yes, to some extent it was a step forward. With this confirmed I started packing up his stuff and loading it into his car. Easy right - not easy. I felt terrible. The whole exercise of going through all our stuff and splitting it up, accumulating his entire life into one car shredded me. I just went numb, got a severe migraine and I am not even going to elaborate on the spastic colon. Needless to say I was in no condition to go to work, which ended in 4 days sick leave and an emotionally crippling sick note. I was so embarrassed!
At least both my bosses where darlings and assured me they understand. (I really hope they where honest).
Now, all this moving and shaking (literally) left a massive GAP. There is a GAP in his closet, his financial file and I still have to do the garage. There is a GAP where there should be someone to help decide about the birthday party, gift, place, cake, upcoming Christmas and all the other very important events that used to rule our household this time of the year. But there is no-one. Just the GAP. I am excited, but have no one to share it with. I look forward to my daughters delighted face and the pictures after all has passed, but I know that in these very same pictures there will be the GAP that I will now have to get accustomed to.
I don't like the GAP much and I need to fill it with something. Any suggestions?
Another GAP I am experiencing is the GAP where my heart used to be. Everyone keeps saying "I know you must be feeling so and so..." and honestly I don't feel so and so. People saying "o, you are really doing well under the circumstances". What the hell do they know? No offence, I know the mean well, but seriously, you have no idea what it feels like to explain over and over the biggest failure and disappointment of my entire life. To discuss my daughters well being without feeling like the worst mother on the planet, to discuss the divorce without feeling acutely lonely. So next time you ask how I am doing and I answer "OK thanks" please don't screw it up by adding "under the circumstances that's really great". Don't call me brave, don't congratulate me, and for Pete's sake don't even think about lecturing me. I might just lend you my shoes so you can have mile in them...and we'll see how well you do "under the circumstances."