Time heals all

It's sthe second week of January and I have avoided blogging for a while. Firstly in December for the simple reason I needed a technology detox. Blackberries beeping and dual mail accounts tinking at all hours of the day started to consume me. The fact that I work on a computer all day does not help. I  just needed a good dose of silence, natural light and non-virtual activities. It helped.
Then came January and all the changes with it. I don't like the new year mostly because it forces one into serious reflection, necessary, but not always kind. 2011 had taken it's toll on me and I keep going back to January 2011 and the chaos assosiated with it. The year just didn't start off well.
So this year I am determeined to really do things differrently. I have to start being honest. Really honest. With myself and the people dear to me.
So here goes:
1. I am not an alcoholic. Staying sober is not the issue for me. Co-dependece and kee I
Iping my husband sober was a major factor in my drinking and not-drinking. I haven't  even considered drinking since he left. I don't miss it, even though I have had a glass of wine with my sister, it's much more fun drinking tea on the stoep. I have to stop hammering myself about alcohol. I don't want it, I don't need it.  For years I was sure that if I lived a sober life he would stop drinking. He didn't. I still choose my sober life over the past and still work the steps, maybe now just more from an Alanon perspective.
2. I love my husband. Dear God how I have wished, prayed and begged that I  didn't. But I do. And even though in some aspects my love may be perceived as conditional, it's not. I love him regardless of whether  he is drinking or not. But I can only live with him if he is sober. And right now, he is. I have forgiven him and invited him back home. I am happy about my decision even though alot of people in my life don't share my enthusiasm. I can understand this too. I am taking it one day at a time, as I should. I put him in God's hands a long time ago, and I have no  intention of taking back responsibility for him.
3. I like my life. I like myself. There is always room forr improvement and nothing is set in stone. For years I didn't touch onions, but now I can eat them when they are cooked. People change. I changed. I am going to be true to myself, keep my boundaries adjustable. I don't need to live up to  other peoples expectations, only my own. That is a hard thing for me to do, but practice makes perfect.
I am happy. I am responsible to keep myself happy. And that's really all there is to it.

1 comments:

  • Koos | January 9, 2012 at 2:07 AM

    Hi Sanna

    First things...Best wishes to you and yours for 2012.

    Second, glad to see you back on the blog after a while. I understand that you needed the brake.

    Thirdly - You have made a very important decision during the end of last year. May it be the most valued one of your life...not only for you but also the family.

    “We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.”
    William Glasser.

    ~ Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. ~
    Paul Pearshall

    May you and yours have FUN in 2012 and more..lots more!!

    Kindly - K