Day 17: Anger and Resentment

It's disturbing to realize how quickly these two buddies creep into your life, camouflage themselves and wait and lurk and wait and lurk in the shadows and then pounce on you when you least expect it.

My husband asked me to go for and HIV test - right after you know what. This threw me into and immediate spin of anger and resentment. I remembered why I had my one night stand. How emotionally abused and very lonely I was in that time of my life. How I had given up on my dream of a happy marriage and being loved and cared for till death do us part.

I felt deserted. Used. Let down and cheated. Cheated out of life, happiness and all my dreams. I spent allot of time drinking with Angry.

And suddenly last night, I was Angry again. It sucks that the only emotion I am currently capable of is anger. But I guess it's a start. What infuriates me most is that my sin is put up there on this stake - skewered and defiled - like it's any worse than anything he has ever done to me. Like I committed the ultimate sin. As far as I know God is very clear on the subject - sin is sin. There are no little sins, big sins. Sin does not have degrees of comparison. You don't get a thermometer to test how hot your ever after is going to be. You're either for God or against God - but we are ALL sinners. We will be judged equally.

I know I am guilty. I know I was wrong. I know I was irresponsible, horrible, selfish, stupid and cruel. I know I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I know all these things and I have cried about it, screamed, prayed, begged and pleaded with God - and I am forgiven. Most importantly I have forgiven myself.

I suppose it's just hard to accept my part in now being treated like a common hooker for what I have done.

The fact that after all I had to go through and forgive and trust - I get the blame for everything now, well, that makes me want to have a glass of red wine with Resentment and Anger.

But I should probably stop bitching and suck it up - I do after all have to go for an AIDS test today..chop chop...

Hello SS



“You have the right to be angry…but not the right to be cruel”


“Anger is a luxury we Alkies can’t afford”


…harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. – As Bill Sees It – p.5


“If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison”. Big Book p.66


Remember Lady…what goes around comes around. So much for forgiveness if your husband sends you for an Aids test. If a man wants to hit a dog, he will always find a stick.


Anger is usually self-centered. Keep on reminding yourself that your only Human. Do the the best you can, sometimes that best might be poor under circumstances, but it is your best. Ask you Higher Power to take away the anger and you will be set free.

I repeat…who are we to define sin to God?
Easy does it Sannie…easy does it!!


Goodbye – Koos