Day 3

Thank goodness for a good night's sleep! I can thoroughly understand today why people say sleep on it. Somehow I have some perspective on yesterday, today. I won't be making any decisions today - not about my life anyway, but I will be happy and try to be so sober today. For those who missed it, the mails will follow, but Day 3 dished up some serious disturbances. I think I survived.


I was pondering about writing something today on how it became hat I realised I was an alcoholic. I can't very well just write about the present when I'm trying to figure out how the present came to be.

I am reading a book called Eat, Love, Pray - by Elizabeth Gilbert, and the following paragraph sounded all to familiar;

"In the Middle of a dark November crisis, though, I was not interested in formulating my views on theology. I was interested only in saving my life. I had finally noticed that I seem to have reached a state of hopeless and life-threatening despair, and it occurred to me that sometimes people in this state will approach God for help."

For me it was a dark June crisis, my life was out of control in every imaginable aspect of it. Financially I was approaching ruin, my husband was in between jobs and I hated mine and I had a baby I could not handle.

I hated myself, because I drank and drank and drank. I was on my knees on the kitchen floor one morning with a hangover the size of China when it happened. I asked God what I should do - where do you start fixing a mess of this magnitude. As Liz writes in her book...the prayer ended with a whimpering "please tell me what to do" and in the middle of my state of glorious despair - I knew, I had to stop drinking.

Unfortunately it did not stop there. It would take me almost 2 years to get to where I am today - starting with day 4 having survived day 3.

I have felt so guilty for so ling for asking God to help me that day, but I realised that without him, I would probably still be on my kitchen floor, or worse.

Another part of Liz's book rang true: "Where did you get the idea you aren't allowed to petition the universe with prayer? You are part of the universe, Liz. You're and constituent - you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the universe, and to let your feelings be known. So put your opinion out there. Make your case. Believe me - it will at least be taken into consideration."

God considered my petition. I think my happiness was granted. Maybe it’s time I accepted.