Being human

One thing about being sober, is that suddenly you start taking notice of people around you. Some don't like you very much - probably due to your behaviour in the past - and others have always liked you but kept their distance. But hardly any of them know you.
Some made promises, but whether they kept them where irrelevant because I didn't care much. I was caught up in my own little addicted world. Curing everything from disappointment to anger with another sip of wine.
Now, I have to deal with it - them...and it's frustrating and hard. Some people are embedded into your life so deeply, that what they do really has a direct impact on your lively hood and happiness. You depend on people for things and you start feeling emotions that you are unable to deal with. I am really struggling with this.
I hurt so much some days that I have to force myself to feel nothing just to get by without crying all day. I catch myself wondering if anything I did in the past could have been remotely as damaging as living sober - with other people - could possibly be. I want to be loved and I want to be liked, but that is not nearly as easy as I thought it would be. I cannot change what I did and I've accepted that. But what do you do with other people now that you have changed? They are all still there. And they are all still the same. And some of them are killing me off, bit by bit.
Being sober is very sobering. And mostly it hurts. I wonder sometimes if I'm doing it right...