And the truth, the horrible unspeakable reality for me is, I feel nothing. My friend tells me it's God's way of protecting me against the pain, but seriously, nothing? I don't miss my husband the way I should. I don't trust him. If he tells me tomorrow he is never coming back I will re-plan and go on. I don't believe a word he says and honestly, I'm scared of him. His manipulation has caused me so much strain and grief that I fear him. My hart is so broken I think it might be irreparable.
I want to give him one last chance. I feel it's only fair. But I'm not sure I'll be able to give a fair chance, because to me right now it feels...there's no difference.
I asked my mother how she was able to forgive my father and move on so completely after more than 25 years of hell. I wanted to know how she knew that this time he was telling the truth. Her answer - she just knew.
I'm hoping and praying that when I see my husband I will feel differently - or at least something. Right now....nothing.
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