F..U..N..?

I had a hellish weekend - mostly my own fault. I was down there in the dark bottomless pit and basically refused to get out. Mostly spending my time with my nose in my new book (YES it finally came!!!). When I wasn't reading, I was sleeping or sulking.
At one point my husband said he thinks he knows what the problem is: Lack of fun. Really. It seemed so obvious. And I suppose it is. I'm not having allot of fun. Mostly because I don't know how to. I have some fun activities or rather things I like doing, like reading my book, knitting, mosaic, baking, gardening, etc. But somehow I don't end up feeling refreshed and relax, but rather guilty for having the nerve to take some time out to do something that is fun. Though I'm not really sure it's fun either.

I know my husband also implied that we should have more fun, which really is a super foreign idea. My husband and I had a lot of fun - drinking, spending money we didn't have, eating well and living it up, amongst others...we sure had FUN. I have absolutely no idea how to have "fun" with my husband while I am sober. Quite frankly the idea leaves me so blank it feels like it's completely out of my frame of reference. Imagine that..laughing, joking, having fun with my husband. Would that be possible? Being sober, not being the one being made fun of, completing an activity or day out without doing everything he wants and us tagging along. (O, we've had plenty of those - he has a great day, plenty of fun and I'm just tired and super irritated).

Well. I've pondered it and decided to try to have fun. Beside, Koos also says I should calm down and live a little. So I'll try to do something fun with my daughter first. Just to see if I can still do fun. Then I'll see if I can pay it forward. But first I'll have to find out what fun is and that really doesn't sound fun at all...mmm