It's my daughters 5th birthday this weekend. It's hard to believe it's already been five years. Luckily I don't have my usual "and nothing has changed" add-on to that. It has been five years, and now everything has changed for the better. I look forward to a new year with new challenges and opportunities. I really am thankful that God had given me the courage and strength to get through the last couple of months and I know that He will guide me through what lies ahead.
I really want to have a good relationship with my STBX, it's hard because he wants more than just a friendship. I am absolutely not ready for that. My heart is still broken. Only God can mend a broken heart. But my soul is still and quiet and filled with something very unfamiliar. Something I can only describe as peace.
I looked forward to Christmas this year, still do, but little less. I had so much spirit and for the fist time in years got everyone a gift, just something small. And now I will probably be spending the day alone with my daughter. My sisters all made their own plans and my mother and father are in Malawi, and my family has shrunk to only 2. It's a little sad, but I am grateful that it will be and alcohol and hurt free Christmas. That in itself will be a welcome change.
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