This past Friday (Good Friday) I was asked to share at the 2013 Convention. I could not decide what to really speak about. I don't like my story or telling it. I never feel as if it makes a difference. Has any meaning.
I decided to stick to what Alanon has meant to me. The self-worth I have gained. The fact that I have learned and accepted that it's ok to ask for help sometimes. I did not have to go through anything alone anymore. Someone asked where my daughter was and I said I left her with a friend because "they where too involved in playing". How have I missed this in my life. Laughing, happiness, spontaneity, fun! Having your heart soar and knowing you are worth something to someone.
Our "How Alanon Works" book has a share in the back and it has my favorite part: " there is something so healing about being treated as if you matter".
My life has been grey, dull and mostly on hold for the last decade, waiting for the alcoholic to make a decision. I eventually made my own. My life is too important to waste waiting for someone elses decisions - even if it is someone I dearly love.
What struck me was the response of the people afterwards. Somehow my story gives hope to so many and I can only thank my Higher Power that in some off and weird and sad way there was method in the madness. Maybe if I can only save one person, give hope to one mother, spare one child this life, I have accomplished something. My life and my story get's meaning.

My friend and I had a serious discussion and the fact that I am not formally divorced yet has wedged us apart. With reason I suspect. It made me so angry. For 12 years my life was on hold waiting to feel loved and wanted and the alcoholic made it impossible. And somehow even separated and emotionally being divorced for almost 2 years, he still controls what happens. But after moping for a day I know it's not anger. It's sadness. For the things I cannot change and the lost lives of so many because of this disease. It's so much bigger than a new boyfriend.
I can only pray that I will stay involved with playing and share my message of hope with those in need. To be of service and give what I have so generously received in the Rooms. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I may be happy, joyous and free.

" Sometimes you have to lose your mind to be free" Anonymous