28 days...

I don't know how many of you have actually seen the movie 28 days. I watched it again about a week ago, and today having 28 days behind me I really feel blessed and determined.

I had a wonderful weekend. The ladies night - alcohol free - was allot less scary than I anticipated. I don't know what I was scared of. Maybe that I wouldn't be accepted the way I am now. That I would be different and my friends wouldn't like it. Or maybe that I won't be forgiven. Or I might find out I haven;t changed at all. I don't know. All I know is it was nice. And it added to my life.

My husband hates Mondays. I used to hate Fridays. Cos Fridays would be the start of a long weekend of walking on eggs, hangovers, binge drinking and feeling guilty. I would start Monday off completely wiped out, unable to focus and extremely tired, but I would find comfort in sitting in my office, able to cut myself off from my real life for 9 merciful hours. Now, I find, weekends are very short. I can't wait for Friday and Mondays really lost their attractiveness. I still love my job, my career, but suddenly there are things I love and cherish more. Every sober second with my husband is a gift. Time with my friends that don't end up scarring our relationships, less and less guilt. The weight on my shoulders have really been lifted. I feel alive and very happy.

The visit with my sister was also very nice. She did warn me however not to enjoy the happiness so much, that I neglect dealing with the issues. It's hard dealing with the issues when all you really want to do is feel the freedom sobriety gives. But I realise that to stay sober it necessary to admit, apologise and move. The reasons and results of my drinking still exist. I need to make sure I address them and bin them, before they steal from me again. And that's hard, because not everyone I have harmed is willing to forgive.

But I accept that. And I understand that. I have been filled with a sense of forgiveness and compassion beyond my wildest expectations. And along with it comes a peace and sense of purpose that is difficult to explain. Again I must refrain: I, am Happy.